edukaition

I’ve done end-of-year posts every year I’ve had this blog (since ~2011) and besides reblogging my 2020 resolutions with a big old LOL last year, I didn’t do them as usual. I was in a pretty bad headspace. 

Despite things still feeling incredibly fraught given omicron, I wanted to document 2021 for what it was. I had some huge life milestones (2020 honestly did as well) and they are worth celebrating.

January: Rang in the new year with friends over Zoom. Started the house buying process and quickly became discouraged. Got my first dose of the vaccine and was so hopeful for what the year could potentially hold.

February: More house hunting. Got my second shot. Dealt with a big Chromebook deployment at work. 

March: This was when we lost out on the house that we verbally had accepted, which was a huge blow. Nick’s grandpa passed away.

April: Things started to pick up a bit. Nick finally got vaccinated. We went on our first camping trip of the season and got to see some vaccinated friends we hadn’t seen since before covid. We got to visit Nick’s grandma in the nursing home and I ate on a patio for the first time! 

May: Went to visit my parents in California and went to Joshua Tree. Started going to yoga/fitness classes again.

June: We definitely fell into the camp of people who lived it up in that brief period of time when things almost felt “normal.” Had a big lake weekend with friends, attended a large memorial of life for a friend’s dad who passed away, and went out to the bars for Pride. This was also the month we were under contract for a house that we ultimately had to walk away from due to an expensive roof repair.

July: Started out the month with a quick trip up to Charlevoix to camp just the two of us. Later in the month we set out on our first big road trip in two years and visited Cincinnati, Smoky Mountains National Park, Greenville SC, Congaree National Park, Charlotte NC, and New River Gorge National Park. We had a blast on this trip with our friends Kaitlin and Chris, but as we were on this trip we started to hear rumblings of the Delta variant and it felt like the news was drastically changing every day. 

August: I only went to one yoga class (masked) after we returned from vacation, then stopped for good. We sent out our wedding invites after a last-minute addition of a vaccine requirement. We made a quick trip up north to the UP for my uncle’s retirement party and some family time, then turned back around the following weekend and went up to Ludington with friends for another camping trip. In late August, my mom visited and of course, that was the weekend we were running around to put in an offer on our (now) house. It was the hottest weekend of the summer, Nick was at his bachelor party, and I was running around doing things with my mom ahead of my bridal shower, fitting in family visits while she was in town. My shower was wonderful and we got the house, so the month ended on a high.

September: School started (without a mask mandate) and things were hectic. We went up to the UP with friends to rent a cabin for Labor Day weekend and went to a couple of my favorite state parks to hike. My bachelorette party was in the middle of the month and was a blast up in Leland. Devan surprised me by showing up, which made it even more special than it already was! Just a great time overall. 

October: We closed on the house on October 1. The wedding was October 16. We moved October 30. Needless to say, October was the most chaotic but joy-bringing month. Having all our people in town to celebrate and finally getting to have the party we always wanted was wonderful. We thankfully seemed to hit a bit of a sweet spot in terms of covid cases here in Michigan and we had no illness as a result of the event. It was an amazing weekend and well-worth the wait.

November: Nick went up to the cabin as he always does in early November, so I spent a lot of time getting the house organized and cleaning our old place. We held our annual Kaitsgiving just two weeks after we moved, which was super fun, and Nick started his new job in the auditing department. For Thanksgiving, we went over to my cousin’s for a 10-person gathering. Otherwise, this month was mostly about getting things done at the house and spending a LOT of money on new furniture and house needs (a sectional, a new bed frame, a washer/dryer, etc.).

December: Nick’s other grandpa passed away at the beginning of the month. We celebrated Nick’s birthday with friends and then started to bear down for omicron. We had Christmas with just his mom and step-dad and have stayed close to home for all of break, just continuing to work on the house.

I feel like I missed things but somehow this is still quite long! It was a busy year (especially the latter half) and I’m really hoping 2022 is a little quieter in terms of major, life-changing milestones and events. A girl can dream!

I need to do a wedding and house recap soon. So much has happened in the past two months - closing on our house, having our wedding, moving, Nick getting and starting a new job, my birthday, etc. 

Tomorrow our landlord is doing our final walkthrough of the condo and I’m turning in the keys. We are officially done with that place - our first place together. Those three and a half years went by so fast and were where we got engaged, survived lockdown, got married, and got married again. We spent some lonesome holidays there during the height of covid, threw some great parties there in the before-times, and really learned to be a team.

The house is great so far but is obviously a big adjustment. Biggest hurdle right now is that we just don’t have enough furniture to fill it but can only afford to buy one big purchase at a time. First up was a washer and dryer, since the sellers took theirs with them. Next we plan to get a sectional for the upstairs living room, as we currently have almost no furniture for it and put all our existing living room furniture in the basement. 

Still figuring out routines and noticing some gaps or changes - certain types of storage or functionality aren’t an exact match to our old place so trying to figure out how to organize things has been a challenge. I know we’ll figure it out eventually and settle in, but for now it sometimes still feels like I’m staying in an Airbnb or something and not a house that I own!

There was talk of closing school for the whole week due to staffing issues and high covid rates but it appears they decided against it. Just two days of work this week and then a five day weekend. We aren’t doing anything, which makes me really sad. Last year we were invited to small Thanksgiving celebrations but turned them down due to covid. This year I would have happily attended an all-vaccinated dinner but the cards just weren’t in our favor I guess. My cousin just had a baby a few months ago so that side is only doing immediate family, which I get but that’s who we’ve always spent Thanksgiving with in the past and I’m a bit of an orphan here in Michigan so they always took me in. It hurts a little. My dad’s side is all going to their other sides of the family and Nick’s side has some unvaccinated people attending so we weren’t comfortable. I just feel a little bit abandoned and excluded. 

Last year I made the whole traditional Thanksgiving feast but I don’t have it in me this year (plus we just had a Friendsgiving last weekend) so I’m roasting a chicken, making some fancy pasta, and calling it good. We’re going to watch the parade and eat cinnamon rolls and then just laze around all day. Hoping to get some stuff done around the house with the extra time as well and probably decorate for Christmas to help bring some joy. 

It’s hard getting older while being only children. I’m 32 and don’t have any kids of my own yet, but the other branches of my family are starting to break off to their own celebrations. My dad is dead and my mom is across the country. I’ve been in a weird headspace about it and my therapist says I have an abandonment wound that just keeps getting pressed on hard. Hoping for a better Christmas. 

Worth the wait.

I can’t believe the last time I wrote a post was back in early August. Life has been insanely busy since then.

Since that time, I’ve gone on a couple more camping trips to close out the summer, got through the first days of school, had my mom in town to visit, had a beautiful bridal shower thrown for me, went on my bachelorette weekend trip, and…bought a house!

Yes, we finally found a house. We closed on Friday and I’m just over-the-moon happy about it. We won’t move in for another month (not even going to start packing until after the wedding) but just knowing it’s ours is such a relief. We found out that one of the reasons we got it was that the owners noticed we were the only people who wore masks (they have a ring doorbell and apparently were creeping on everyone entering?).

Of course, the other big thing on the horizon is the wedding. I feel ready but also not? Our house is so full of decor and random things that have to go to the venue - it’s taken over our entire dining room at this point. It all still feels like a bunch of individual things as opposed to a cohesive event, but I’m sure it will all come together in the end. It’s just really hard for me to visualize.

Nick’s cousin is getting married a month after we are and isn’t attending our wedding because he’s unvaccinated. It’s been fascinating seeing how that side of his family has split over things - there’s almost no overlap between the family members coming to ours (vaccinated) and going to theirs (unvaccinated). Ultimately, I’m so glad we required it and that it’s made people feel more comfortable and willing to attend. 

Less than two weeks to go! Now if only I could get my vendors to respond to my emails…

Summer had been going pretty well, but after getting back from vacation and feeling like the Delta variant news/rise happened right as we were getting back, I’ve been in a weird mood the past few weeks.

Our vacation was great - I’m glad we went when we did. The weather (and bad visibility) weren’t ideal but it was great to spend time with friends. Nick and I went to three more National Parks! 

Work is going ok - I am thankful I am mostly protected in my back office where all of the staff is vaccinated. Our district isn’t requiring masks (unless something comes down from the state in the next few weeks) and I’m frustrated but not surprised. 

The house hunt is still terrible - we’ve really lost a lot of momentum and gotten very cynical/jaded at this point. We are going to see less houses and it seems like there’s always some sort of red flag with every one. Our realtor says the inventory is picking up a bit and he’s closing more deals lately, but it doesn’t seem to be translating directly in our price range, chosen area, and specific parameters set. We are seriously considering taking a break for a few months around the wedding because the stress of it all (basically being a second job) has really taken a toll on us both.

As for the wedding, we officially sent out invites on Saturday. We are requiring guests be vaccinated, which I’m sure is going to cause some minor family drama. However, at this point, I care less about the handful of people who might be offended/excluded than I do about the majority who will hopefully feel more comfortable attending because of it.

However, I don’t really have high hopes for people even coming at this point, tbh, if my shower or Nick’s bachelor party are any indication. It feels like we just missed our window of opportunity when people cared and now it’s gone, as everyone has moved on with their lives. It feels like it’s on us to be the bigger people, not take any of this personally, and just grin and be grateful for things that would have been completely different without covid ruining everything.

Of Nick’s groomsmen, only two are going on his Bachelor party weekend. There were 35 people invited to my bridal shower later this month and apparently only 14 confirmed guests. It’s hard not to feel a little sad knowing that if 2020 had gone as planned, this all would be long over and much more “normal”. I feel so selfish - I just wanted to gather with the women in my life and feel a little special for one day but the cards for the past year and a half just really have not been in my favor. 

In somewhat related news, I started a new anti-depressant a couple weeks ago. I have a follow-up soon and I really don’t know if it’s working. I feel like I’ve gotten in such a rut from things not going my way these past 18 months that I just can’t seem to climb out, no matter how much therapy I do or how many pills I take. I just want something to come easily for me again. 

When you just wanted to be a bride and not an amateur public health administrator…

This weekend felt like such a bizarre re-introduction into normalcy (in a good way!). Between an indoor hang with vaccinated friends on Saturday and a little patio hopping yesterday, it’s nice to finally feel some semblance of the way life used to be. I’m becoming more comfortable with only focusing on what I can control - I still wear my mask at the grocery store or in larger crowds but I’m constantly reminding myself I am protected. 

The next two weeks at work are always a killer as we close out the school year and my boss is increasingly driving me crazy. While him being laid-back benefits me in some ways (I can easily take time off or leave early for appointments, etc.), he insists on flying by the seat of his pants and when I bug him for details or firm answers on things, he either waffles or deflects. I’ve had bosses like in the past, but to be frank, they let me take the reigns and make things run smoothly. He won’t, so I just watch a car crash repeatedly while knowing he’s setting himself up for failure. It’s infuriating. 

A different district (nowhere near where we’re house-hunting) posted my exact job for 20K more than I make now, so I’m certainly on the lookout if anything opens up in the area (it’s a well-known fact that my county is vastly underpaid in comparison to others). It sucks because I like WHAT I do, but this department is a mess and after having been somewhere where things run smoothly, it’s all the more obvious when they don’t! He truly just doesn’t get it and will make things harder for himself to avoid having to tell someone what to do.

Here’s to a short week and a more normal summer on the horizon.

Just a little Friday night check-in after an insanely busy week.

The house process continues to be a gaping black hole of time and morale. We came in second last weekend on one that we really liked and yet again, we were beat by someone who waived the inspection and the appraisal gap. We just do not have that much liquid cash to throw around right now with the wedding on the horizon and I don’t know if these people are just crazy rich or stupid. It seems to always be that or all cash. When people talk about their own house buying processes, I just can’t relate at all. It’s merciless to hear someone say “oh we just walked into the house and knew it was the one!” or “we lost out on one offer and it was so sad!” when we’ve been at this for four months now and have seen plenty of houses that we wanted to be “the one” that we lost out on at this point.

The worst part of this week was that our pre-approval expired so we had to reapply and it put another hard inquiry on our credit. It feels like we’re being kicked while we’re down and being punished for not finding a house fast enough - as if we wanted to spend our entire spring on a roller coaster of hope constantly followed by disappointment. 

In other news, I flew on a plane this week for the first time since February 2020! I visited my parents in California and saw them for the first time since September 2019. I burst into tears when I saw them picking me up from the airport, but by the third day I was already ready to go home. I have so many complicated feelings about our relationship and what’s evolved to be these past few years. In many ways, we’re just on such different wavelengths despite them meaning well. I could fill pages and pages with examples. Going without Nick was nice but I did miss having a buddy when things got tough. We drove out to Joshua Tree but mostly drove around and stopped at viewpoints. I did find a couple of small, fairly level hikes they could do but can’t wait to go back with Nick and do the park our way. The second day we drove down to the Salton Sea (which I warned them was not a touristy type place in the way they would like, but they wouldn’t listen) - my step-dad wouldn’t pull over anywhere, which was super frustrating in the backseat. I also found a couple of cool places to try to eat on a patio, but they picked a fairly boring golf course restaurant. I think I just need to accept that our tastes and interests are not going to be aligned and I know it’s usually easier to just go with the flow, but it’s frustrating that they often don’t make any plans, ask me to figure things out, then reject my ideas and go with very mainstream/boring choices. 

Regardless, the trip was worth the hassle. I got some nice one-on-one time with my mom, which is rare, and established some boundaries with her that I needed to discuss in person. The flight out there I felt very safe and was fine, but the flight home was a full-on nightmare. My first flight was delayed, which made me miss my connection. The airline couldn’t rebook me home directly, so I had to take an additional layover to Miami and ended up on a plane full of sunburnt trash coming home to Michigan from Florida with their masks under their noses. Both of my other flights were ALSO delayed and one had to be completely deplaned, meaning we were all set and ready to go and then had to get off, walk across the terminal to another gate, and start the process all over again. When all was said and done, I was supposed to get back to Detroit at 4 pm and got home at 3:30 am (I had left my parents at 4:30 am). It was both the longest day I’ve had in a long time while also a complete nothing of a day. 

On the bright side, I consumed some great content on the trip. I watched Ted Lasso, which was absolutely delightful (now Nick and I were rewatching it together) and I read Educated, which was incredibly captivating. I got it for Christmas from Nick’s mom a few years back and hadn’t ever picked it up. I’m so glad I did. Highly recommend!

Anyway, this is looooong and I didn’t even get into work or wedding stuff. Another time I guess!

We are literally never going to find a house. I will be house hunting when I am a million years old, just losing out on offers every week until I die.

I am so sick of this constant cycle of disappointment.